I sat on my bed, with my head bowed, although my eyes were open. Staring absentmindedly at my brown bedspread, I prayed.
Ok, God. I surrender this to you. Take it. Do whatever you want with it. I want Your will, not my own. So yea… You can have it.
I wouldn’t say I felt much better. But my duty was done; now I could say I was ‘surrendered’. Anyway, I thought all God wanted from me was to say “Here, have it”, then He would give it back to me. Right?
One year later.
“So eternally grateful,” reads a journal entry. “That decision chiseled self away to the core, and changed me into a new and better person.”
At the time of my prayer, I thought I knew what I wanted to be happy, and what was best for me. But God gave me something better. He gave me opportunities to practice faith, ways to deepen my relationship with Him, and lessons on many things. Looking back, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
The truth about surrender is this:
True surrender must be combined with faith and trust. Lots of it.
If this is our reality, then we will be able to let go in full surrender (faith). And if we don’t get it back, we know it is only because He has something better in store for us.(trust.)
Surrendering up what we love is hard, and that’s ok.
The important thing is that we do it (and mean it), trusting God to make something beautiful out of our ashes… He is in that business, you know 😉
We don’t always get it back.
Sometimes we might, but this can’t be the basis of our surrender. Are you still going to be surrendered if you don’t get it back?
You will always get something in return.
I cannot think of a time that I let go of something, and didn’t get something in return. A lesson learned, a sweeter walk with Jesus, an understanding heart… to me these things are sometimes more valuable than what we wanted in the first place.
It is freeing
Easy? not at all. But the freedom that comes with a life completely committed to God is beyond compare.